How To Help A Drug Addict: The Law Of Attraction

How To Help A Drug Addict: The Law Of Attraction

The Law of Attraction implies positive attracts positive. If you are acting in a negative way and expressing feelings of sadness and negativity, then it is likely your spouse will feed off of that and/or use this against you. If you behave in a positive way and live your life positively, despite your spouse’s addiction, it may generate positive results.

If you perpetuate anger, disappointment, and sadness, you may generate similar results in the exchange you have with your spouse. You may not be able to change someone else, but you can either inspire them to change or inspire yourself to move on. So, what does this look like in practical, real life terms when living in a codependent marriage. How can you live with or love an active drug addict?

You Want The Lies To Stop

WHAT HAPPENS: The lies and manipulation can hurt the most. Some of us would rather our bank account be emptied for a weekend bender than have a spouse look you in the eye and tell you they are sober, when they clearly are not.

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WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: If you can understand that lies are part of the addiction, the lies may not hurt as much. If part of the disease is to hide the truth to maintain the addiction, then take a step back and expect to be lied to. You know very well, the truth from a lie, deep down inside. If you want the lies to stop, then try to trust your instincts. If something does not sound right or feel right to you, then that is the truth.

You Want Him To Get Into A Program

WHAT HAPPENS: He may have failed at rehabilitation programs, tried to kick the addiction on his own, or refused that he needs help. You are fully aware he has a problem and you know he will need help.

Rehab or detox does not always work, especially not the first time. You do not have to give up simply because your spouse has failed at recovery. You can however change your strategy. If an addict is forced to get help, it probably means they did not want to. How many times have you done something you did not want to do and kept doing it? The person who is addicted should want to get help, not feel like they are doing it for someone else.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: You cannot control someone into getting help, but you can make it less likely their addiction will run smoothly. Decide to stop enabling a drug addicted or alcohol husband. Shed some light on what is going on to the people around you both who do not know what is really going on. If you have open and honest conversations with people you love and trust they may be able to help and stop enabling the addict. When an addict has nowhere and no one to turn to, sometimes they will have no choice but to see just how unmanageable their life has become.

You Want Him To Stop Hanging Out With Other Drug Users

WHAT HAPPENS: You want to show him how the “friends” he is using with are not a good influence on him. You block or track his calls, you throw his phone out, hide his keys, or confront his friends but he still goes out with them. These are not his friends; these are his dealers, his drug buddies, and people who are in the same point in their life as he is. You cannot compete with anyone that he gets high with. If you try, he will just lie.

WHAT YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT: So try a different approach. Stop caring about who he hangs out with and let him do what he wants to do. Stop fighting him. He knows you want him to stop. You have made the things you want him to change clear. Why play the game?

Stop playing into his addiction and let him realize that you are moving on with your life, and he is welcome to do the same. He only detests you when you try to stop him from using, so perhaps letting him know you are not happy with his addiction, that you are going to live your own life, will send a clear message; he will lose you.

Should you leave an addicted or alcoholic spouse? It’s going to be your decision. But once you decide, get help and support to follow through. This time though, you will be showing him, not just telling him.

Can You Get Your Husband Into Recovery?

“I will stop using as soon as I get through this stressful month at work.”
“I need you to help me; I cannot live without you.”
“I will stop drinking for a month, I can control it.”
You pray that each time you hear words of remorse or shame from your addicted spouse that this will really be the last time. You have read every book on recovery for families and how to help an addict and…no luck. You hang your hopes on the few stories you have heard, like urban legends, of wives who have helped their husbands into recovery. You are skeptical of anyone who tells you that you cannot fix your husband.

The truth is that YOU CANNOT CHANGE YOUR SPOUSE. This is a harsh reality. We know this. So, if you need to share and know that you are not alone, please leave us a comment here. We’ll try to get back with you ASAP.

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4 thoughts on “How To Help A Drug Addict: The Law Of Attraction

  1. I broke up with my partner of 10 years no long ago. He uses drugs and alcohol on a regular basis. He has been doing this since he was a teenager and he is now 40. It took me 10 years to cope on and realise that the relationship I fought so much for was not getting any better. The reality is that after so many years together he let me go. He chose the party life to me. Only after reading your blog I finally started to realise that I’m not the only one and that yes I made the right choice by leaving him. It was the hardest thing I every done. I still love him but it is time now to look after myself before it’s too late.
    Can’t wait to buy your book!

    Like

    • Noemi,
      You did do the right thing. We all deserve to be happy and have the life we want. You realized that this was no longer working for you and you’re going to work on yourself so that you can have the life you want. I know how hard this is what you will learn from the book. I wrote Hope Street to help other people in this situation because I was so devastated and I felt so helpless. I hope you find inspiration, a new sense of self, and happiness.
      Best, Amanda Andruzzi

      Like

  2. My brother is close to losing everything he has…job, home, RV, car, truck, among many other things, including shared custody of his children. He hasn’t paid the mortgage in three months, so the bank will take everything away. He has completely denied that he is doing drugs, but he is living with a known addict, and has no accountability for his earnings, and completely lying about where his money goes. Many months ago he stopped all communications with my mom and me because we went over to his house to tell him we were worried about him, and concerned that he was hanging out with drug people. He completely denied it and freaked out….yelling and calling us the most awful names I have ever heard! My mom is devastated, and having a very difficult time grasping all this. My brother was always a great son, brother, father and friend, but now he has lost everyone. My husband and I have tried calling him, and visiting him many times, but he will not respond.
    I am struggling with staying on any positive or joyful vibration. I’m trying to use all I have learned from my lengthy LOA research, but all this constant negativity around me is posing such a challenge. I can’t get away from it because my mom and I are very close and I need to be there for her, but she is so upset and sad, and can’t stop dwelling on it no matter what I say. Plus she owns the property right next to his, so she can’t get away from it either. I told her to sell, but this is the house that her and my late father built 52 years ago. It is her treasure, so she can’t bear the thought of selling.
    If there is any advice you can provide me, I would be so appreciative.
    Thank you very much for your time.
    Kim

    Like

    • Kim, I am so sorry for your family situation. There is nothing like watching your own child self destruct so I can understand your mother’s pain. If you have voiced your concerns and let him know you will be therefor him if he is ready for recovery then that is all you can do. He is a grown man, making a choice to use drugs and lose his family and unfortunately addicts usually have to hit their rock bottom before they are ready to change. I would recommend therapy for you and your mother and finding a local support group and/or al-anon meeting. You can learn to create boundaries and practice tough love and that is the most you can do. If you force someone to change, it usually doesn’t stick. Please understand his behavior is part of addiction and this is not the brother you know and love. Finding support from people who have been through it will be instrumental in helping your family recover, even if he doesn’t.
      Amanda Andruzzi

      Like

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